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The Gift of Our Compulsions
Introduction
 To
some degree, we are all compulsive. By
compulsive, I mean engaging in any recurring
activity to manage our feelings, an activity that
eventually ends up managing us. We can get
compulsive in many different ways — by overspending,
overeating, overworking, over-planning, over-worrying,
over-exercising, over-computerizing, over-drinking,
or just “over-overing.” Many of us are
compulsive without even knowing it. It isn’t until
the computer crashes or the credit card is cancelled
or the doctor says you can’t eat a high-fat diet
that it becomes clear just how much a particular
activity controls your life.
When we try to control our compulsions we think that
this will hold back these powerful urges, but
controlling never brings us the lasting healing that
we long for. Instead, it actually fuels the
compulsive cycle. It has been widely reported that
that 95-98 percent of all the weight that is lost in
the United States is gained back within a year and a
half! In fact, people usually gain more weight. What
we fight controls us. What we resist persists.
There is another way of working with compulsions,
that is about being curious rather than controlling
and about responding rather than reacting. Our
compulsions thrive in reaction. They heal in
response. They won’t let go until they teach us how
to engage with them, giving the attention and the
compassion they need to heal. In the light of our
compassionate attention, not only do our compulsions
lose their power over us, but they also become a
doorway into the healing that we long for.
In part 1 we look at what we are truly longing for
whenever we are compulsive.
In part 2 we
explore how our compulsions have served us. We then
go on to explore the difference between our old
style of working with compulsions—endlessly trying
to manage them—and the new style we are exploring,
which is about engaging with them so that we can
listen, learn, and make skilful choices. In part 3,
we cultivate skills using this new style, allowing
us to heal and be healed by our compulsions. Each
chapter in this part is devoted to a particular
skill. Finally, in part 4 we bring everything
we have explored so far into formulating four
questions that we can use in our healing.
These questions are designed to dissolve the core
patterns in our minds, to open our hearts to
healing, and to put us in direct contact with the
wellspring of deep knowing within us that will guide
us home.
Throughout the book I have included stories,
exercises, and meditations to help work through
particular issues, and every chapter ends with a
“core idea” section to help focus on the ideas
presented in that chapter. I have also
included an appendix that provides a handy reference
guide to all the skills and techniques explored in
the book and a resources list including the titles
of many wonderful books that I hope you will find
useful on your path to healing.
As we allow our compulsions to be a guide back to
ourselves, not only will we be healed, but we will
also become part of the healing of our planet. When
we learn how to listen to our compulsions, they will
teach us how to be conscious, compassionate, loving,
wise human beings.
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