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Wag More and Bark Less

Iris Scott Dog ShakingOn my morning walk a few days ago, I saw a delightful bumper sticker that read, ‘Wag more. Bark less.’ I chuckled to myself and then I realized that we often use that idea to override ourselves – to expect ourselves to be different than what or who we are. While it is a good intention to have, if we don’t learn how to wag more and bark less with ourselves, we miss the point.

We are so used to barking at ourselves. We are conditioned to deny, change or just fall into our experiences. When we are angry, sad or scared, we usually get lost in the feeling or try to get away from it as fast as we can. In other words, we leave ourselves when we most need ourselves. We also have been deeply conditioned to judge ourselves. We ‘bark’ mean things to ourselves when we are the most vulnerable. If we talked to our friends the way we talk to ourselves, we wouldn’t have any friends!

One of the most healing things you can do is to learn how to love yourself exactly as you are. If you can touch yourself with kindness and compassion, even when you think you aren’t doing it ‘right,’ it will make a huge difference in your life. We are all a mixture of dark and light, and one of the most courageous things you can do (and one of the most healing for the world) is to embrace the entirety of yourself in your own heart.

I learned a lot from author and spiritual teacher, Stephen Levine, about ‘wagging’ more with myself, especially with his work around forgiveness and loving kindness. This all coalesced into a wonderful little mantra I use that immediately opens my heart, so instead of judging my experience (whether it is feeling unwell, a wave of fear, or a chaotic, struggling mind), I can give myself the light of my own compassionate attention.

The mantra is: As Is. I’m Here. On the in-breath, you say silently to yourself, As Is. It is the place of merciful spaciousness, the willingness to allow yourself to be exactly as you are in this moment. As Is is the art of letting go of struggling with whatever is happening and actually welcoming it. I’m Here (on the out-breath) is the willingness to be keenly curious and attentive to what is happening in this moment and giving it the loving attention it needs in order to transform.

This mantra allows you to meet yourself exactly as you are, including the light and the dark, the clear and the confused, the kind and the mean, the acceptable and the unacceptable. It is an invitation beyond the seemingly endless struggle to be what you think you should be into the peace of acceptance. This mantra gives you moments, however fleeting, when everything is okay no matter how it feels. It is the willingness to embrace all of the parts of your being so you can receive the loving acceptance you deserve from the person you most want it from, yourself (and so you can wag more and bark less).

Image of Dog Shaking by Iris Scott  http://www.irisscottfineart.com

  1. Perfect timing. Depression hit a few weeks ago, after a long period in which I thought spiritual practice had banished it. My resistance and condemnation of my own emotional state actually make the experience so much worse–creating a downward spiral. Worst is that it becomes impossible to bring my saddened self simple love and care. What a destructive cycle. I needed to hear that there’s another way to respond. Thank you.

  2. Same situation here as Lia.. Been fasting to get rid of old patterns that made me sad, and as I thought I constructed myself a new happy beginning, I find myself in a cycle of pushing everything away.. I am completely depleted of energy and self-acceptance was far to find, until I read this.. Thank you so much..