How To Be ‘Self-Full’ Rather Than Selfish

Every year, a friend of mine is laid off from her job for three months. As she contemplates returning to work, she shared with me that she is feeling guilty for “taking it easy” and hasn’t gotten much done around her house while she has been off work. Her mind says, “I am lazy and selfish. I watch too much Animal Planet when I should be doing house projects.” I suggested to my friend that she change the word she is using to describe herself from ‘selfish’ to ‘self-full’ because she is learning to recharge herself by stepping out of the busy mode so she can relax into Life.

We humans are so busy doing that we have forgotten how to just be. As a society, we don’t see the power of just being because we measure our success and value by how much we accomplish. The Vietnamese Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hahn, really understands the importance of just being. At Plum Village in France where he lives, the people in his community celebrate ‘Lazy Sundays’ and I have heard it said that if you see someone working on a Sunday, you are encouraged to say, “Excuse me, are you being lazy enough?” I also love that he changed the phrase “Don’t just sit there. Do something.” to “Don’t just do something. Sit there.” 

I shared with my friend that her mind has been very busy doing her entire life, and it is scared of just being. It doesn’t know that the safest thing she will ever do is relax into Life again. Also her Judger is laying a guilt trip on her (something the Judger loves to do and is so good at) because she is not accomplishing all the things her mind thinks should get done. I helped her to see that it is important to recognize the Judger and allow it to be here. It is a part of the storyteller in all of our heads that is trying to whip us into shape so that we will be what we think we should be in order to make our lives okay. And yet, that is saying we are not okay as we are. In fact, this belief that says we are not okay brings great heartache into our lives. 

Just imagine instead what it would be like if you accepted yourself exactly as you are? Your mind might get scared and resist this. It might say this would mean you would not accomplish what you should accomplish or your life will be out of control. Both are not true. Life does Life very well, much better than you can, and as you ground and open to it, you become a part of its creative flow. And rather than doing Life, you become Life!

As you contemplate the possibility of cultivating the art of being, it is important to create a relationship with your Judger. It is just like you when you are having a bad day; you need someone to listen to you rather than judging you, giving advice or trying to change your experience. My friend might say to her Judger, “Oh, I see you are here. Thank you for coming. I know that you think I should be doing more around the house while I am not working, but I am taking care of myself right now. I am enough exactly as I am and if the house projects don’t get done today, it’s okay.” The more you befriend the different voices in your head, the more they calm down, making it so much easier to open back into Life, right here, right now. 

As you free yourself from your Judger by getting to know its world, you will see that you can rediscover how to show up for the flow of Life rather than always trying to do it.  You can also see that you are already lovable, always have been and always will be. And when the Judger says you are being selfish, you can remind it that you are being self-full. Then it will be much easier to take time for yourself and just be. And if that means doing some ‘couch time’ and watching Animal Planet, it’s all okay. 

Image of Monkey Business by Sharon Cummings  http://fineartamerica.com/profiles/sharoncummingsart/art/paintings

Reprinted with permission by Sounds True www.soundstrue.com