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Shutting Off Your Mind’s Spin Cycle

joe kresjola spin cycleWhat is awakening? To me, it is waking up from the belief that the storyteller in your head is who you are. It is realizing that who you really are is that which can see the stories. As you awaken, you see through your stories of fear, not enoughness, anger, sadness, loneliness and despair and instead make contact with this living moment, the only moment that matters in your entire life.

A friend once sent me a remarkable email describing his storyteller and how he learned to open to the joy of truly being awake to his life again. I want to share this email so that you too can realize that you are not your mind:

The most striking image I see that describes much of my mental activities on a daily basis is the agitation cycles of a washing machine. My mind churns very hard. It whirls and spins. It splashes water all over if I carelessly leave the door open. But it is primarily mundane, repetitive, compulsive and involuntary. The washing machine is void of any creativity, deep awareness or intelligence. It is just a machine to solve mechanical problems. And it is astounding to me that now I can see my mind as a busy washing machine.

It feels like for much of my life, I was inside the washer when it agitated and spinned. Once it started, I could not get out. Have you ridden one of those carnival rides where it spins fast at the same time it rotates and your body gets pinned like glue to the mesh rim so you could not even lift up your feet or move your arms? Once my compulsive thoughts started, they gained momentum and created their own internal tornado. One thought triggered by something starts the cycle, then another, then all similar or related thoughts come pouring in, feeding the momentum. If caught in the midst of it, I am almost powerless to stop it by choice.  

Now I can categorize those agitation modes in my own life just like there are different modes on a washer for different kinds of fabrics. There is this anger mode when thoughts about my wife and a brother and other people trigger and feed upon themselves. Then there is this mode where I fantasize about how successful I would be with various projects. Then another mode in my mind is about what I expect to happen and then compulsively insist on my vision. Or there is a daydreaming-for-nothing mode. And finally the spaghetti mode when anything and many things go all at once.

In all these modes, all these years, I was sitting squarely inside the washing machine, going through the complete motions of it, thinking I was the machine itself. And all along I let that washing machine run my life. Worse yet, I thought I had to depend on it for my life’s direction. Who would have voted for a washing machine to run one’s life?

Now I can make a little game out of it. Now I am the master standing outside and when I see a cycle start, I am curious to identify which cycle it is. It is more fun this way: “Anger” or “Spaghetti” or just plain agitation and then I reach for the knob of the washer and shut it down. This game puts me on the offensive and I have a little fun.

The washing machine is only a tool, not the person I am. What a discovery!!! I own the machine and not the other way around. Why did I let it run my life without my knowledge for so long? I was not aware of it.  

Like my friend, may you learn to be curious about what your mind is doing (with great compassion) rather than being caught in its stories!

Image of Spin Cycle by Joe Kresoja   http://www.kresoja.com/