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The Puzzle of the Conditioned Self

rubik black and white backgroundWe all have a conditioned self which is like a Rubik’s Cube (that insanely addictive 3-D puzzle that swept the world in the 1980’s). Eckhart Tolle calls it “the mind-made me.” It is the “me” that formed in your head when you were young. This puzzle, the conditioned self, is not you. It is all the beliefs you took on when you were young to make your life seem less scary and painful. Everyone’s personal cube is made out of the same building blocks, including fear (its main building block), shame, despair, rage, loneliness, anxiety, doubt and confusion.  The task you have been given by Life is to get to know your ‘mind-made me’ enough so you can see it rather than falling into its stories.  It is the invitation to look so you can unhook.   

I invite you to explore two techniques that I have found to be very powerful when you are learning how to become more than just the stories in your head:  Recognition and Attention.   Both techniques will help you to unhook from the Rubik’s cube of your struggling self and this is what opens you again to the peace and joy that is your birthright. 

Recognition is becoming what I call a “Tightness Detective.”  When you recognize tightness in your body, this will alert you to the fact that you are caught in the puzzle. Who you are is free-flowing aliveness. When you look at nature, you see that everything in nature flows. The wind flows, clouds flow, sap flows in the trees, water flows, day flows into night, winter flows into spring. When you are tight, you have stepped out of that flow and Life has become a series of problems to be solved rather than an adventure to open to. 

Most people think being chronically tight is normal because that is the way most human beings are. But this is not your natural state. Your natural state is being open to the flow of Life. Recognition is discovering how to be curious about when and how you tighten. The easiest place to see your patterns of holding is in your body for it reflects what is going on in your mind. Becoming a Tightness Detective is all about being interested in your body when you are even slightly challenged by Life. What happens in your body when you are late for an appointment, or your boss reprimands you, or your kids are driving you crazy? Is your neck aching?  What is going on in your stomach? Is your head hurting?  Do you have a lump in your throat?  Every moment of noticing that you are tightening, rather than being identified with it, is a moment of freedom.

Attention is the second technique and it allows you to set free the chronic holdings in your body. These holdings are generated by emotional and mental tightening. You tighten because you are programmed to try to get away from what you are experiencing, especially when it is unpleasant. In trying to get away from what you are experiencing, you actually amplify your pain and it often creates headaches, stomach aches and overall agitation. This keeps you caught in a chronic world of struggle.

In order to set your holdings free, you need to move the energy. Until you learn how to move your bound up energy with your attention, you can begin by physically moving it in your body. For example, if you notice you are becoming reactive, you can go outside, do jumping jacks, go take a walk, enjoy a shower, do anything that gets you moving. As you begin to understand the concept of moving energy, you will come to realize that you won’t necessarily need to physically move your body to move the energy. Instead, you will be able to use your attention to invite the stuck energy to move. The more your attention and your immediate experience come together, the more the ancient holdings you have carried around your whole life will begin to let go.

We have all experienced the power of attention when somebody, rather than judging us or trying to fix us, simply listens to our experience. After a few minutes of sharing we begin to feel better. Why? Because somebody gave us the healing light of accepting attention. You can discover how to give this same kind of attention to yourself. One of the ways you can do this is to bring your attention right to the place in your body that is holding. Then, in order to keep your attention there (for it is the attention that heals), describe to yourself what is happening in that area. How big is the area of holding? Does it have a definite boundary or does it move around? Is it just on the surface or does it go deeper? Be curious. Whatever you notice, say to it, “I see you.” Allow your attention to stay there as long as it is interested. Know that just a few moments of actually experiencing what you are experiencing allows the holding to begin to soften. Many people over the years have said how delighted they are to discover that when they are actually with what they have always tried to get away from, this energy begins to let go. 

It is important to remember that you have been given the exact puzzle you need in your schoolroom of Life. All it takes to begin working with your puzzle is the willingness. And even with the willingness to do this work, sometimes your mind may rebel. When that happens, ask Life for help. You might say, “Oh, I’m tight. Life, what are you showing me here?” Or, “What am I ready to see?” Why is this practice so powerful?  In the moment when you are asking Life to help you to see where you are holding or tightening your body, you are not caught in the puzzle. You are relating to what you are experiencing rather than being lost in it, trying to control it or running away from it. 

I invite you to become a Tightness Detective so you can look and unhook from the Rubik’s Cube of your struggling self.

Image – Rubik 01 by Artist Joe Kitsch  www.joekitsch.com