How To Heal The Wounded Parts Inside of You
My friend called me the other day and said, “Mary, lately I have been feeling overwhelmed and paranoid about everything. And, when this happens, I begin to disassociate from myself. It is so scary and I don’t know what to do.” I first acknowledged her fear, making it safe enough so that she could begin to be with her fear rather than being lost in it. I then told my friend that this is simply fear and fear never sees things clearly. I also told her that I believe that Life is putting her in situations to bring up the paranoia and disassociation she took on as a child so she can set them free through the healing power of her accepting attention.
The wounded parts inside of you, which can show up as paranoia and disassociation, are bound up energy that you absorbed from the adults around you when you were young. Because you oftentimes didn’t know what to do with what you were experiencing, you stuffed overwhelming, painful, and confusing parts of you deep inside. And they don’t go away. They run you from underneath your everyday awareness. In order to become free from these frozen parts, it is very important to know they are not you. They are something you took on from the adults around you, just like you took on the language that your parents spoke.
You can discover how to look and unhook from these conditioned parts. The first thing to do is learn to say “Paranoia is here right now” rather than “I am paranoid.” Or you can say “The mind is getting overwhelmed and wants to shut down right now” rather than “I am overwhelmed.” Feel the difference? When you say “I am,” you are identifying with the feelings, but when you notice and acknowledge what the mind is doing, you are relating to it rather than being identified with it.
It is very important to know that this separate, conditioned self never sees things clearly. Never! When you say, “The mind is…” rather than “I am…” you begin to get more interested in what your conditioned self is doing in any given moment. I learned paranoia from my mother, and I was also sexually abused as a child, so I took on deep wounds, particularly those of feeling invaded and paranoid. My life is a living example that we can see and set free what got bound up inside of us when we were young. Know that you too have some deeply wounded parts and you can’t get free from them overnight. But with kindness and curiosity, you can discover how to say to whatever part is showing up, “I see you and it is okay that you are here. I am here for you now and you are not alone.” And in that seeing, these parts can discover it is safe to let go.
When you recognize you are caught in your conditioned mind and you can’t see anything other than what it is struggling with, just notice that and ask Life for help. If you are like most people, one of the greatest illusions you learned when you were young is that you are separate from Life. The other great illusion is that you are in charge and you have to do it all yourself. The exact opposite is true. You are not in charge and you have not been nor will you be alone – ever! The Intelligence that keeps the planets spinning as they do and heals the cuts on your skin is always with you. One of the most powerful ways to tap into this Intelligence is to ask a question and then let it go. You might say, “What is the way through this?” or “What is asking to be seen inside of me?” Don’t look for the answers as that is your mind taking over. But know that the answers will come in Life’s time and in Life’s way.
Take a moment and feel the relief that you don’t have to figure your life out. Just keep on asking and the answers will come at the most perfect time (or, as I like to say, in Divine timing).
Image – The Intersection of Past and Present by Artist Chin Yuen, 36” x 36” acrylic on canvas www.chinyuenart.com