Become A Tightness Detective

I recently got together with a childhood friend who is very dear to me. She has Parkinson’s Disease and I have not seen her since she was initially diagnosed. Standing, walking, turning, and even using her hands are all becoming more and more difficult. My friend is so scared and most of the time she is caught in her reactive mind. To watch someone I love suffering so deeply touches my heart in ways that are very painful, and I don’t know what I would have done if I had not discovered how to be what I call a “Tightness Detective.”

When caught in the reactive mind, we tighten our bodies and this tightening is a signal that we are unavailable to what is happening in our lives. When I was with my friend, my tightness showed up in my belly and as I tuned into that place, I softened my belly and relaxed. This allowed me to be fully there with the scared part of me that was in so much pain, exactly as she was, and I was then able to lovingly invite my friend to show up for her life. As we cried and laughed together, I asked her, “What is going on inside of you?” and she said, “I am really angry because this is a bunch of shit.” I invited her to notice that her mind is scared and to say “Anger is here” rather than “I am angry.” This is relating to the anger rather than relating from it. I then asked her, “Where in your body do you feel the anger?” and she shared with me the parts that were feeling tight and uncomfortable. I invited her to use the mantra, “Soften, Soften, Soften,” as she explored those tight and uncomfortable places. It gave me such joy to see that my friend was open and willing to go toward the tightness and the pain rather than staying caught in her mind.   

Let’s explore what it means to be a Tightness Detective. Your body expresses all of the reactions of your mind and exploring is the art of being curious about what you are experiencing in your body. Think of a moment when you were angry and remember the fiery feeling in your stomach or a moment of deep sadness and recognize the lump in your throat. Your body will signal you before your mind will that you are caught in reaction. When you detect internal tightness (perhaps your jaw is painful or you have an elephant sitting on your chest or you have acid indigestion or you have a hollow feeling in your belly), bring your attention directly to what is “holding on” and be interested in the sensations that are happening there. You can even describe the tightness to yourself – How big is it?  How deep?  Does it move around or does it stay in the same place?  Does it pulse, throb, stab, ache?  In these moments of curiosity, you are no longer caught in the web of reaction and even if you can only stay with your curiosity for a few moments, these moments truly matter for they are the stepping stones out of the fear-based mind and directly back into being with Life.  This is what we so deeply long for……even if Life is showing up in truly difficult ways.  

Start with the small challenges like the frustration of waiting for the doctor or an upsetting scene while watching television. This strengthens your ability to be curious about what you are experiencing so when big challenges show up in your life (and they will) like disease, death, loss or anything that “rocks you to your core,” you can more easily become a Tightness Detective.  Know that Life is putting you in situations to bring up what you have been holding onto your whole life. Your job is to bear witness to the tightness, and keep it company by simply saying, “Hello, I see you. And when you are ready, tell me about your world.”  That is when your holding begins to let go.  So, become a Tightness Detective and be curious about where in your body you are tight.  Then, relax, take a few deep breaths, and remember to say the mantra, “Soften, Soften, Soften.”

Image – “Turning Inward” by Artist Eliza Lynn Tobin  http://www.elizalynntobin.com/