Welcoming The Buzzing Flies In Our Lives

I am dealing with a very close family member who has metastasized cancer.  Needless to say, it is super food for the struggling self.  Fear arises, then sadness and despair, and then more fear. Recently, I woke up in the middle of the night enmeshed in fear.  But after just a few moments, I became curious and met the fear with my heart, “I see you sweetheart.  I see how scared you are.  I am here with you.  You are not alone.”  The fear dissolved like the morning fog does when it is touched by the sun.  As I was relaxing back into sleep, the image of a buzzing fly circling around my head, driving me crazy like flies often do, suddenly appeared.

The image of the buzzing fly represents all of the states that we don’t like and wish would leave us alone – like the fear I had in the middle of the night, or judgment, loneliness, despair.  Most of us resist this annoyance, swatting at it because we just want it to go away.  We desperately try to get away from these states through busyness, compulsions, fixing, judging, analyzing … anything that absorbs our attention and takes us away from the feelings.  But when we start becoming curious, all of a sudden the fly (i.e. whatever uncomfortable states we are experiencing in the moment) is not an irritant anymore.   Like a small child seeing a fly for the first time, this fly is something to be interested in.  The first time I did this with an actual fly, I became intensely interested in the sound of the fly.  It was like music.  Then, when it landed on my hand, it felt like its feet were little kisses on my skin.  I thought, “Wow, this is what I have been resisting my whole life?”

This image describes the power of being able to relate to what we are experiencing in our lives rather than from it.  The buzzing fly is an inspiration to be more and more curious about what we do not want to be with in our immediate experience.  In order to do this, we need to be re-introduced to our natural state of curiosity.  For we usually do just the opposite.  We are taught to resist the fly/state.  We are not taught to stay open to what life is bringing to us.  There was so much pain and confusion when we were young that we learned how to tighten down around painful states, hold our breath, and run away to our minds.  We learned to leave ourselves when we most need ourselves because life was too painful and scary.  Now, as adults, we still do this.  We turn away from the shape of our bodies; we turn away from tears and fears; we turn away from anything that gives us any amount of discomfort.  As a result, we are half alive.  To be fully alive is to discover how to turn toward ourselves, meeting what we are experiencing with curiosity, kindness and compassion.

We are discovering that stuffing our fears deep down inside doesn’t make them go away.  In fact, they run our lives from underneath our everyday awareness.  And we are awakening to the realization that all of the flies in our lives are there because they have been waiting for us to become curious about them.  This is a radically different way to live.  It is about moving beyond being a victim to life into showing up for what life is offering us.  This is why the poem, The Guest House, by the Persian Poet, Rumi, is one of the most quoted poems in the world right now.  Why?  Because it speaks a truth we all long to embrace.  On some level, we know that all of the challenges in our lives are not happening to us – they are happening for us.

THE GUEST HOUSE by Rumi

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be cleaning you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

So welcome all of the guests/flies/states that arise inside of you, especially during your challenging times.  Turn toward them, meet them, become a “guest house” for all of them with a curious heart.  It is in being welcomed that they will be healed.

The next time you are feeling an uncomfortable feeling, say to it “Hello, it is okay that you are here.  Come in, sit down.  I want to get to know you better.”  How did that make you feel?

Image – Fly with Red Eyes by Artist Suzanne Stryk    www.suzannestryk.com